Earring Magic Ken

I was looking at pictures of Ken dolls on the net (don't ask) and I found a picture of my favouritest Ken EVER, Earring Magic Ken (commonly known as gay Ken). Here he is...

It made me nostalgic for my Ken doll, who I apparently used to torture. I don't remember ever giving him any clothes to wear either, which was mean of me because my Barbies had great outfits. My mum even used to make them corture evening wear based on great 80s patterns. These seemed very tasteful at the time, since it was the 80s.

All this excitement about Earring Magic Ken (and his pal, Boy George Ken) made me start dreaming about my ideal imaginary Ken collection. It would include...

Robert Smith Fun Ken (complete with goth makeup kit and messy black hair)

Drag Magic Ken (comes with a selection of Barbie outfits and outrageous eyelashes)

Feral Stoner Ken (comes with dreadlocks and a sarong, miniature bong optional)

Young Liberal Magic Ken (comes with a law degree and detachable ethics)

Death Metal Ken (with mini guitar and real thrash sound effects!)

Straight Edge Ken, comes with a CD of hardcore sounds, a packet of tofu, a bible and a cricket bat, for beating up Drag Magic Ken, Earring Magic Ken and any atheists or meat eaters.

Then I'd play games where they all start bands together but have 'musical differences'

don'tdatehimgirl.com

If anyone hasn't gone there yet, check out this website! Even if you are a hardened swearing person, you will learn more filthy and creative insults than you could have ever dreamed of! You will learn amazing new ways to spell words and amazing grammatical errors you never felt possible. And, you will learn more than you ever needed to know about the love lives of bogans.

You will read about stuff like

'he tried to rape my puppy but it wouldn't eat the tranquiliser he gave it'
'he cheated on me with his sister...'
'he is wanted for tax evasion in five states'
'he's GAY and he left me for a pregnant 15 year old man he met in a public toilet'
'he left me 8 months pregnant to party with sluts'
'he's an abusive drunken meth addict with a distinctive tattoo of an arrow pointing to his penis, which is very small, and he doesn't know how to use it, he has Hep C and AIDs and he wouldn't know a condom if it jumped off his tiny dick...'
'he stole my CAR...'

I'm sure not all of it is true.

but...

Where have you been all my life don'tdatehimgirl.com?

Ryan, this one's for you.

fifi needs a beanie

please will somebody buy me a beanie?
I went to the hairdresser last night to work on my goal of re-blonding my hair after going goth-black/dark brown for a while. It's been a painful few months of orange hair, strange streaks and odd regrowth. I've had to put up with straw-like texture, floaty split ends... I could rant about it for weeks.
I thought it would finally get back to sort of normal this time. I went to my usual 'visual art salon with a New York theme' and handed over a hefty chunk of my pay packet.
And now I look like Shane Warne.
My poor hair is an excruciating shade of brassy blonde. I keep expecting to be invited to play cricket for Australia. I keep getting the urge to go down to players bar and trying to pull sports groupie chicks.
Somebody buy me a beanie!
(Or at least another hair appointment)

lab coat of the day

Sometimes I just get an urge to post pictures of men wearing lab coats and big black glasses. Is that weird?

Moogy Blues

I've just discovered that Moog is actually pronounced to rhyme with Rogue, not to rhyme with the noise that cows make. That's so awful! All my life I've been trying to chat up cute musicians while flagrantly mispronouncing the name of one of my favourite instruments. (No wonder they never really seem aware of my inner Brazilian super-model!) And, as the radio announcer on the Moog show put it, it feels so good to say Mooog. I don't usually have that many good things to say about hip hop artists, but one thing I do like about it is that you're never in doubt about how to pronounce their names. Anyone who is anyone in hip hop has to have at least one song where they introduce themself at least 10 times. That's how I know Puff Daddy is actually pronounced 'knob'.

Zombie Songs

When I was on the triple J website this morning looking for something to listen to at uni, I found that JJJ had a who list of songs with zombie in the title or the name of the band. I thought I'd put it here to add to the zombie theme. Here it is!

• Snowman – Zombies On The Airwaves Of Paris
• Baterz – Zombie Girl
• Rob Zombie – Living Dead Girl
• REM – I Walked With A Zombie
• The Zombies – Time of The Season
• Alice Cooper – Cold Ethyl
• Sufjan Stevens – They Are Night Zombies…
• Ozzy Osbourne – Zombie Stomp
• Regurgitator – I Zombie
• The Hooters – All You Zombies
• White Zombie – More Human Than Human
• The Horrorpops – Walk Like A Zombie
• The Spazzys – Zombie Girl
• The Cranberries - Zombie

solvent abuse

There is a health warning on my hairspray. It says ‘solvent abuse can cause instant death”. I know they really want to stop people inhaling it who can’t afford real drugs. But how many teenage aerosol sniffers would sniff $20 hairspray?? This is what makes me wonder if that warning is actually a threat to people who misuse hairspray in other ways. I can think of quite a few people who deserve instant death for hairspray abuse. Like Janette Howard, who has weird helmet hair that doesn’t move (actually, she probably uses embalming fluid) Like every commercial newsreader in Adelaide, and everyone who made metal in the 80s, especially Ronnie Dio.

moog moog moog moog moog

"Hi! We are Blaxtyn (bright orange) and Ky-Leesha (the not so bright one). Our four kids are Shardonnai, Shay'deen, Sharlot and X (the fish formerly known as Prince). Please feed us, but not too much"

This is the sign on the new fishtank I bought for our office. My office sharing pal Catherine and I challenged our minds to the extreme to think of the trashiest names in the universe. This is the brilliant brain fruit of our imaginations. I don't know why we didn't get awarded an honorary doctorate just for thinking of them.

Blaxtyn and Ky-Lee are rosy barbs and they are such a couple (story of my life!) They take turns blindly following each other around the tank. Every so often, they have a lovers' tiff and swim to opposite sides of the tank (but not very often). Mostly, they just graze off the pebbles at the bottom, finding exciting bits of slime and old fish food.

The other four are boring fish. They just sit around and stare at us. I wonder if they would like to eat us if they grew big enough. The not so fab four are only interesting when I put fish food in. Then they dart around like mini-pirhanas, attacking each other ovetastyivious offal flavoured fish flakes.

The fish themselves are looking pretty excited at the moment. They seem to like Moog music. They seem to prefer it to Radiohead. This is all because I’ve discovered that the paranoid super-security computers at the university allow me to listen to JJJ podcasts. First I listened to the Radiohead J files (of course) and I’ve just spend the last half hour or so learning about the history of the Moog.

I have always wanted a Moog. Not just any synth, it has to be a moog one just because the word Moog is so cool. Moog moog moog moog. If I had a moog, it would cause big problems in my imaginary band because I would want to be both the moody moog player and the highly talented, perfectionist, lead guitarist. Maybe I can be like one of those drunken old carnival men who play six instruments at a time. I would have to invest in a pole covered in beer lids and learn how to play Slim Dusty on a gum leaf.